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Failure beyond epic level

December 24, 2007

I thought Eddings’s first three books of the Dreamers blew. Big time.

Well, he just taught me a lesson. I apparently didn’t know what “blowing, big time” really entailed. Books 1-3 are positively stellar compared to the…I don’t know what to call it…that is the fourth book. (I decided to finish the story, in the vain hope that he may salvage something from that train wreck).

Even “Utter pile of crap” is too dignified for that book. Even “First-grader creation” might be an insult to school-age children everywhere.

I mean, seriously.

It’s not merely the fact that his characters’ scientific observations are growing even more woefully out of time for what’s essentialy an iron age setting (no joke here – one of them comment on there not being time before there was a universe (which IS modern scientific thinking, following from the notion that time is a dimension, and there are no dimensions in a singularity, which is what the Big Bang came from. Which mans there is no such thing as “before the Big Bang”), and another think that to be called a sun a body must have a *certain* mass).

It isn’t just his complete lack of grasp of simple military matters (“How did he get his troops here so fast?” “Oh, he decided to abolish the fifteen minute pause for every marching hour”… – there’s a REASON the Marines and Roman Legions never really got further than 20KM a day marching, and it’s not “Too lazy to stop taking pauses”)

It’s not merely the fact that 99% of the human cast he spent time building (…via overdone trope, including women in the refrigerator), spend the entire book doing NOTHING of consequence – like building forts that never get attacked ; marching armies around toward battles that never actually happen, manipulating back to sanity an insane Goddess only to have the villains get a Mind Control Deus Ex (that fails to even be surprising because they ALREADY used one back in book 1!) and have her obliterate herself out of existence. Even all those pales against the fact that a large chunk of characters spend what should be the climax of the book *searching for the aforementioned Goddess’s treasure room just because they have nothing better to do.

(Granted, said treasure vault has enough gold in it that the two characters sharing the loot – a mercenary captain and a ship captain – have enough money to very seriously consider buying over their (continent-sized) homelands, and setting themselves up as emperors).

It doesn’t really help that what few likeable human characters (three of them) are part of the final journey to EnemyTown (not that there’s much of a journey : they have permanent, un-counterable invisibility AND (essentialy) teleportation throughout, and thus encounter no opposition whatsoever) are there only as tag-along spectators, and do nothing. The fourth member of their group, the Creator himself, just whisk them away, carry them to enemy town, deal with the enemy  in about five seconds, and then head back off.

The fact that he somehow figured writing the climax of the story from several point of views (yes, including repeating the event itself about three times) really doesn’t do the story any good either.

But all that could be swallowed. Even the unrepentant abuse of every cliché in the book could be. Even the writing style, where the book is divided in parts of 2-3 chapters, where nothing is left unresolved for more than a hundred pages.

What brings this story over merely just plain so bad its horrific, and into the realm beyond of degenerate failure that makes even “It was a dark and stormy night” look positively wonderful is the last two chapters.

Where, because the aforementioned mad Goddess is dead, the Creator ( and Creatoress decide to have a new Goddess takes her place.
Where the candidate to fill the spot really doesn’t want it, so manage to wrestle a boon out of said creator and creatoress.
Where said boon is that Lead Male (on whom Goddess Candidate has a crush) gets his dead girlfriend returned to him.
And Creator and Creatoress agree.
And they decide to do so in the most inane, atrocious, crime-against-readerkind sort of way.
The Creator takes the magical fix he applied to the enemy at the end of the fourth book.
And use it again.
 BEFORE the girl ever died,
Which means there never was an invasion by the enemy, because she was utterly defeated already.
Which means the four books never happened at all.
Except I still read them.

And if that was all of it…but no.

(I’m not even going to get into the issue of Paradoxes)

Because, see, if technically none of the events ever happened, then the Goddess that obliterated herself, did not (since there was no enemy Deus Ex to mind-control her).

So then, why is she still absent, with the Goddess candidate the one being promoted to Goddess?

I think they call it adding insult to injury. Or salting wounds.

Either way, it makes David Eddings a world-class fucktards.   (Leigh gets off on virtue of her no longer being around).     

4 Comments leave one →
  1. December 24, 2007 5:25 pm

    See, your problem is that you’re reading David Eddings. I stopped reading his books after high school – they’re for adolescents, and plotted as such. They’re completely unsubtle, and very basic.

    So, yeah. This could be expected. 😉

    • December 24, 2007 5:52 pm

      His first few I find entirely readable even today (and Elenium-Tamuli even had some degre of subtelty at points).

      But what he’s written since then…*shudders*

      Personally, I think he’s gone senile.

  2. December 27, 2007 9:30 pm

    so…life is so valuable, you cannot just resurrect a dead person but you need to go back through time and make sure that the dead didn’t happen alongside the many, many major cataclysms that didn’t happen?

    Wait how did the goddess go mad if everything around it that affected it didn’t happen.

    good thing I only read the first book and haven’t touched the second one yet.

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